love vs lust
i feel there is nothing called love between a girl and a guy it all varying degrees of lust.the physical attraction that makes individual believe that they are in "love".
Indians often mistake lust for love.
love is what u feel for your parents or siblings or ur pet.
What u feel for ur spouse or gf/bf is lust/physical attraction. Over a period of time they try to give a name to the relationship as "love”. That’s nothing more than getting used to the person. We are always reluctant to changes hence we stick to a person and believe that it's "love". But in reality their is no "love".
Americans too might make some mistakes that way, but they date before they get married. So they remove the lust part of it before wedding. That way mind becomes clear and you can see how things go 2 years down the line, 5 years down the line or 10 years down. But again they too have high divorce rates. I guess this happens due to high expectations and disappointments.
Many times any relationship fails because of expectation disappointment, than incompatibility. I guess there is nothing like compatible or in-compatible. We can reword them as lack of understanding that would lead to a break up.
So I guess people who say are in love are were in love actually were not it was just the lust and later on meeting of expectation.
That way I can say I was never in love :) and never will be :P as I would not give in for physical attraction no matter how hard it is for me to resist and I would try not to have expectations!!. That way I try to choose with logic/analysis. Sigh romance is not for practical ppl like me I guess
posted by Enigma @ 8/23/2006 03:52:00 PM
27 Comments:
I thought I too was practical. That was before I met my hubby ;-).
I don't really want to argue with you, but I can say I love my hubby very much and lust for him too ;-) :-D. And so I know Love is not lust :)).
i believe both lust and love should be there for a relationship to work. Probably over years lust gives way to love and a very beautiful relationship is born !!
@deeps
well i wuldn't comment on it
@sathisds
over a period of time u are used to each other!! and i don't think that is love. both of u are used to each other and don't want to change things for what so ever reasons! and name it as love and nothing else!!
hmmn even i dont believe in ideal love..but then what name would you give for that emotion ? ( of course not lust :] )
@satish
if u ahd reda my post carefully :P
"Over a period of time they try to give a name to the relationship as "love”. That’s nothing more than getting used to the person"
so thts wht i said we give ita name as it might sound crude or gross. the name given is "love" but it may not be same
Not all relations btwn and guy and a girl is based on lust. Some are and will definitely be as a result of mutual respect. Over a period of time, lust creeps in since its an essential part of one's personal life.
I would like to see how logic/analysis helps you avert this phenomenon in due course.
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thts blasphemy...there can be no love between a guy n a gal...only lust !!!...its true that at times its lust that brings people together but thats not the sole reason for a lasting relationship....lust is ephemeral...like a one night stand...but not love....
Hmmm. Very controversial shall I say?
Ok this is my opinion. Whatever feeling you have about the relationship between a person and a girl is – I think – because of the present generation’s interpretation, I must say. There can be a genuine relationship called love (not friendship, nor any other kind like sibling or pet or whatever). There can be a relationship whose attributes will be love, no expectations, and mutual respect. Though rare, u cannot say it is not possible to have that kind of relationship at all. It is very very difficult to get such a companion with such a quality. However, life would be at its best IF you get one. J
My advice is we should not be reserved about the future. Everyone should try to make that kind of relationship a more common one. After all, we can fill anything in a relationship. So why not just love?
Actually I find this rather romantic thinking :)
The lower divorce rate in india is misleading coz our society doesnt giv much freedom. Things are changing and the rate is going up:)
Thx for dropping by my blog.
Aint it a combination of both equally balanced?Should be else there is always a possibility of starying around looking for someone else...
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you have tried to logically analyse the differences between love and lust.
I believe that they have no similarities at all. :-)
1> yup.... for some lust leads to love...and some others love leads to lust. the first category don't think that lust without love is bad (whether love happens or not is a different issue), and the second category believe that lust without love is a taboo.
there are no similarities between the same.
to exemplify: people loving their spouses. this is a very complex scenario, and a great example. when in love, the hubby cares for the wife in a different way. when he is in lust, his approach towards her is very much different from earlier. At any point, both might be there in small quantities, but when one (lust or love) gets to a higher level, the behaviours of people are very very different.
2> Divorce rates are high in America because they have the freedom. Divorcees are not looked down upon, in America, unlike in India. In India, a divorcee was a leper previously, but now as the society is becoming more accepting, divorce rates are higher. Hence, I would believe, it is only due to the freedom that the society provides :-)
3> Also, a last line of thought. It is not right 'not to expect'. That takes away the spice in relationship, and that is Dangerous. If one would play safe by not expecting at all, one would never experience life. Expectations are needed. But, when they are not met, one should realise that they are 'expectations' and forgive the other person. :D
In here, you are refraining from expectations because, you don't want to feel upset when expectations are not met. And you also believe that feeling upset is wrong.
Think about 'feeling upset as not being wrong'. Then you can expect, enjoy the spice of life, and still not feel wronged when expectations are not met ....
have fun... :-)
well lust is good...as long as it is sustained and doesn't flit from one person to another!...now we know that it isn't that constant!
i still belive that it is important to mantain some mystery.
pre-maritial sex destroys it
Love or lust, it's a unique chemistry that's at work between two individuals. Generalisations are inaccurate, for the simple reason that no two individuals are exactly the same.
Love or lust, the relationship has to be based on reality. We can fly into Cloud Nine as often we want, but let us remember to descend back to our Earth soon.
Love is emotional, lust is physical. Both are needed for a relationship. But only if there is a strong and attractive personality.
Don't fall in love with a person; fall in love with the personality. Then, both love and lust will work. Or else, neither will.
Hmm love bw a bf n a gf is a mix of lust n love i agree....i kno that love exists, maybe not wholly unconditional but i kno love id bout carin n understandin n helping the person stand their ground esp wen push comes to shove n wen the whole world seems against u....
I personally think love is an overrated emtion. But I disagree that lust replaces love at all times. Infatuation is mistaken for love.
But I beg to differ to your analysis of "Americans too might make some mistakes that way, but they date before they get married. So they remove the lust part of it before wedding."
Sad to see that.
Love vs Lust..... antarangakku...adaralliruva alegaligu irovashte difference..... are they different annodu ... yaksha prashne!!!
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You are totally wrong it may be because you may have not tasted the true fragerence of love....i feel pity for you thats all i can say :-)
anyway thanx for visiting my blog :-)
Well, u have stumbled upon an interesting aspect of relationships. IIRC, psycho/socio-logists have called these two forms by passionate love and companionate love and have analysed it extensively. (see cognitive daily blog link from my text blog)
nice one ash!! read it a lil late..but still..really liked it..having known u it made all the more sense :-D
madam,
this article is too good. earlier, i too had thought in the same angle. now i have 2 points in my mind. these are actually seen by me, happening in this society.
if a blind woman/man marries
without touching not even once..
there is possibility of love? isn't it?
see one of my poem on how society views blinds, without aware of whether they are blind
blind
2. Husband without ever seeing his would be wife but has just talked to her but knows she has gone through a lot of pain and flows just 2 drops of tears (one in each eye) by imagining her pain - is love doesnot exist there?
still i appreciate your boldness in writing such articles.
You will not give in for physical attraction and you believe that there is no love devoid of physical attraction. Does it mean that you will not fall either in love or in lust?
As a marketing person, I can tell you this. Why do you buy a Rolls Royce or Ferrari? You do so to distinguish yourself from those not as rich as yourself. You buy them to ascertain your class, signal the other rich folks that your are their ilk and signal the not so rich that you are from a different planet. The argument is blatant and it smells almost as dirty as the dollars. But is that the way Rolls and Ferrari package their offerings? No. They package it with masked and euphemistic words like refinement, luxury, performance, sport et al. They mean the same thing that I explained but in more politically correct terms.
I guess love is like that. We need sex and that sounds too blatant. Unpackaged lust won't sell other than in the market of hookers and gigolos. If everyone started freely transacting lust, we would elevate ourselves to the lifestyle of animals. We don't want to do that for whatever reason or lack of reason. So we package lust as love. We are all happier and more comfortable with this facade of civility than we would be without it.
Most of the time we (especially men) use love as an excuse to get sexual favor. But many a time, I have found it to work the other way round. Fulfillment of lust has often been the starting point of my true love (not the package) for my partner.
Let's realize that it is difficult to compartmentalize love and lust. Love is not always platonic although the Indian movie industry has made it look that way for too long.
Since you know kannada I would recommend you to appreciate the fine blend of love and lust in the song "Thanuvu, Manavu" from the movie "Raja nanna Raja".
Enigma (It would be better if you could give ur fullname),
First of all I would like to thank you for visiting my blog and leaving some comments over there.
I'm not convinced with this post...
Love is something which is really abstract in nature and all Loves need not be turned into marriages in my opinion for the simple reason that It's not merely a physical attraction. ( and at the same time I don't agree to say physical attraction itself is a marriage )
There are some cases where a guy/gal comes to know too late that he/she is actually in love with their counter parts.
It's a piece of cake to say why you don't like the other person But It's really difficult and sometimes impossible to say why you like the other person ? Is it because of his looks ? his status ? his beauty ? may not be but Love just(thought just is a bad word read the next para for the reason) happens. How many people are successful in reaching the aim that I've to love him. a very few and they would have thought that it's love but it's not true love take it from me...
Ok, we sometimes talk about the celebreties "I wish I had married to this Rai, that dixith" But we can find a very few people to marry those given the opportunity.
It just happens and you can't make it. If you study the anatomy of a human brain, you will really appreciate the fact that there is a seperate harmone gets secreted for each and every human behaviour...let it be love, hate, anger etc...I'm not an expert here but I'm passing some words what I've heard in the medical related seminars...
And one more thing I can say is this experience can't be told but has to be experienced. ( Courtesy Apthamithra movie :) )
P.S.: There is no reference to specific gender in this comment and all 'him' are to be interpreted as 'him/her'.
--
Thanks again,
Vishwa
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